MOMENTSWITHMAUDE.COM

 “It’s been said that there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will become caregivers, and those who will need caregivers." —Rosalyn Carter

Chances are you or someone you know is taking care of a loved one at home. If you do, you also know that caregiving—however fulfilling—is also hard on the caregiver’s mental and physical health. Self-care is vital to caregivers maintaining stamina and a positive outlook for both themselves and the people they care for. But being so busy caring for others can make it hard to find time for yourself.

Caregiving called upon my elderly sister about five years ago when her husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and if that were not enough for a woman in her seventies her daughter was diagnosed with cervical cancer about eighteen months ago. When taking care of a spouse, a seriously ill daughter, and grandchildren, there is no time to devote to self-care because she is always on. She is also managing her adult daughter’s care and medical appointments for treatment. Her daughter is the mother of a teenage daughter and two young sons aged six and under sons. My sister often takes her grandsons to school and picks them up. Everything’s different. My sister can’t be whom she wants to be anymore.

For years, the term sandwich generation has generally been applied to adults (mostly women) taking care of their aging parents and their minor children at the same time. My sister feels the same exhaustion and frustration and faces a similar lack of societal support, but she is part of a less-recognized group. The multilayered sandwich generation that she is experiencing is not a topic that is under the radar currently.

I have been a caregiver for the terminally ill at three different periods in my lifetime. Each occurrence has been different and I acquired additional tools that made each event more manageable. My first stint of caregiving occurred thirty-seven years ago when my mother was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was not at all prepared and found myself exhausted and frustrated. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. At the time, I was a woman who thought I had it all together and I didn’t know how to ask for help. My next caregiving opportunity fell into my lap sixteen years later when my late husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I had more self-care awareness and was intentional about my welfare sometimes, but I still felt ill-prepared. Twelve years later my daughter was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and caregiving was not new to me, but the shock and disbelief brought me to my knees.

Effects of Caregiving on Health and Well-Being:

We hear this often: “My husband is the person with Alzheimer’s, but I’m one in the hospital!” Such a situation is all too common. Researchers know a lot about the effects of caregiving on health and well-being. For example, if you are a caregiving spouse between the ages of 66 and 96 and are experiencing mental or emotional strain, you have a risk of dying that is 63 percent higher than that of people your age who are not caregivers. The combination of loss, prolonged stress, the physical demands of caregiving, and the biological vulnerabilities that come with age places you at risk for significant health problems as well as an earlier death.

Family caregivers of any age are less likely than non-caregivers to practice preventive healthcare and self-care behavior. Regardless of age, sex, and race and ethnicity, caregivers report problems attending to their own health and well-being while managing caregiving responsibilities. They report:

• Sleep deprivation
• Poor eating habits
• Failure to exercise
• Failure to stay in bed when ill
• Postponement of or failure to make medical appointments for themselves
• 
  

Family caregivers are also at increased risk for depression and excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Caregiving can be an emotional rollercoaster. On the one hand, caring for your family member demonstrates love and commitment and can be very draining.

Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others: Removing the Barriers to Self-Care:

The caregiver’s well-being is the foundation of caregiving. The care of your family member depends on your ability to physically, emotionally and spiritually respond to their needs as well as to your own. Some of the more common barriers of self-care are based on myths about self-care. Simply put, self-care is about meeting your needs so that you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready to meet the needs of your loved one. There are no rules about self-care except it should help you to feel replenished, comforted, or relaxed. Below you will find some of the more common myths about self-care, methods of removing barriers to self-care, and things to consider.

Methods about Self-Care:

I would like to mention some things I have learned about caregiving to anyone in that role or who will find themselves in that role along the way.

• Caregiving is everywhere. Caregiving is among the most common experiences in the world, although most of us don’t really think about it until it’s staring down at us.
• Caregiving teaches you about yourself. Caregiving challenges your assumptions about the world around you, tests your limits, and reveals your inner strength and resilience.
• Caregiving is among the most virtuous human endeavors. Caregiving connects you with another in a symbiotic relationship defined by human vulnerability, trust, compassion and love.
• 
  

First, Care for Yourself

On an airplane, an oxygen mask descends in front of you. What do you do? As we all know, the first rule is to put on your oxygen mask before assisting anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver.

Taking Responsibility for Your Own Care

You cannot stop the impact of a chronic or progressive illness or a debilitating injury on someone for whom you care. But there is a great deal that you can do to take responsibility for your personal well-being and to get your own needs met.

Personal Barriers

Attitudes and beliefs from personal barriers can stand in the way of caring for yourself. Not taking care of yourself may be a lifelong pattern, with taking care of others an easier option. However, as a family caregiver, you must ask yourself: What good will I be to others' care if I become ill? If I die? Breaking old patterns and overcoming obstacles is not an easy proposition, but it can be done—regardless of your age or situation. The first in removing personal barriers to self-care is to identify what stands in your way

.

For example:

• Do you think you are being selfish if you put your needs first?
• Is it frightening to think of your own needs? Look at the fear.
• Do you have trouble asking for help? Do you feel inadequate if you ask for help?
• 
  

Some caregivers have misunderstandings that may increase their stress and get in the way of good self-care. Some of the most commonly expressed are the following

• I am responsible for my parent’s health.
• If I don’t do it, no one will.
• If I do it right, I will get the love, attention, and respect I deserve.
• The relationship with the care recipient may be in jeopardy. Sometimes people care for one another with the hope of healing a relationship. If healing does not occur, you may disappointed.
• Your coping abilities. How you coped with stress in the past predicts how you will cope in now unless you have acquired new coping skills, Identify your current coping strengths so that you can build on them.
• 
  

Here are some ideas for self-care that you can do in 10 minutes or less:

1. Take a walk around the block.
2. Call a friend.
3. Watch something funny.
4. Brain dump/journal.
5. Try 5-10 minutes of coherent breathing.
6. Meditate.
7. Eat a healthy snack.
8. Turn on some music and dance like no one’s watching.
9. Practice mindfulness.
10. Getting work done can be a form of self-care; keep a to-do list handy.
11. Pray and/or seek support from your church.
12. Make an appointment to meet with a therapist.
13. 
    

Be your own self-care advocate.